Sandwich Generation Stress: Achieving Work-Life Balance as Adults Navigating the Tightrope Between Careers, Kids and Aging Parents

Hey Friend!

When well meaning family and friends tell a caregiver they need to find some work/life balance it usually rubs us the wrong way. It seems like they think if we’d just be more organized everything will be ok.

We get that in theory but what if you are organized, a planner and a great problem-solver? No matter how organized you are or how much you anticipate their needs inevitably you’re often making daily or hourly decisions about your parents’ well-being. Many of us experience the sandwich generation stress that comes with all these caregiving decisions because we’re also responsible for taking care of our kids.

I’m a planner! I anticipate, come up with a procedure, and then put it in place. Caregivers know that Plan A often falls through and have plan B,C and D in their back pocket. It took me a while to get on board with this concept. I had a lot of hard lessons before I adapted.

I remember going to a conference a few months after my dad died. My mother was very emotionally fragile and did not want me to go. She tried to shame and guilt me into not going which really did the opposite of what she intended. I was resentful, tired and at my wit’s end! I remember saying to her, “I have a life, I have responsibilities!” Of course I felt selfish and guilty but I went to the conference anyway.

Before going I tried to anticipate everything. I went grocery shopping for her, I spent a little extra time visiting and I had my siblings on stand by. GUESS WHAT…she fell and broke her hip the day after I got to the conference.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I was so shocked and worried that the details of the first 24 hours are blurry but I remember driving home the next day for her surgery and recovery. Her medical team made a plan for recovery and rehab. It sounded reasonable to me and Mom agreed but that wasn’t to be the case!

Less than 24 hours in the rehab facility she had a “heart incident” and they sent her back to the hospital. WHAAAAT?! Luckily it was a result of extreme anxiety but that wasn’t great either. Mom insisted she had had a heart attack and was not interested in treating her anxiety. (Dealing with anxiety in aging adults is a blog for another day!)

As a caregiver the ability to adapt and pivot becomes the norm. I do think striving for work/life balance as caregivers is important. It is necessary for your mental, physical and emotional health BUT I know it’s difficult and sometimes not even possible.

One tip I recommend is using your calendar to schedule caregiving duties, work, self-care and social support. I use a color coding system so at a quick glance I can see what is missing then I schedule some sort of self care even if it is only 10 minutes.

Finding work/life balance is a complex issue and very personal depending on your caregiving circumstances but this strategy will help you balance your needs with the stressors of being a caregiver. Some weeks there won’t be room for fun, self care, rejuvenation or exercise. No worries just put it on the calendar the next week.