Why You're Reaching for Ice Cream After Every Doctor's Appointment (And What to Do Instead)

It happens at 7 PM. You've just finished shuttling your teenager to soccer practice and your mom back home from her cardiology appointment. The conversation with the doctor was complicated, your mom seemed confused, and you're pretty sure you forgot to ask three important questions. Now you're standing in front of the open freezer, spoon in hand, eating ice cream straight from the container.

If this scene feels familiar, you're not alone – and you're definitely not broken. According to psychologist Dr. Claudia Perolini, who specializes in helping people transcend emotional eating, what you're experiencing is a completely normal response to the intense, often overwhelming emotions that come with sandwich generation caregiving.

But understanding why it happens – and having healthier strategies in your toolkit – can make all the difference between occasional stress eating and a cycle that leaves you feeling worse than when you started.

Sandwich generation caregivers face a unique emotional landscape that makes them particularly vulnerable to using food as a coping mechanism. Dr. Perolini explains: "They have this by the nature of all these responsibilities, especially the caregiving one on top of everything else, they are exposed to these, again, charged, triggering emotions."

Think about it: You already have a full life – spouse, career, children, friends, hobbies, dreams. Then caregiving gets added to the mix, often unexpectedly and requiring more involvement than you anticipated. Suddenly you're dealing with:

The Surprise Factor: "I see that this responsibility of taking care of their elderly parent kind of came to them a little bit as a surprise," Dr. Perolini notes. "Not that they thought they would never have to do this, but it feels... it was sooner than they had expected or the involvement that is required of them is really more than they were thinking."

Dr. Perolini defines emotional eating as "when we're relying on food as a way to cope or manage emotional distress – stress, pain, discomfort – as opposed to when we eat to respond to our nutritional needs."

When you reach for that ice cream after a difficult day, you're not actually hungry. You're seeking:

And here's the thing – it works. Temporarily.

"Every time that we eat, dopamine is released in our bodies," Dr. Perolini explains. "Dopamine is known as a feeling-good hormone. So there's not only the psychological but physiologically we feel that." This is why the strategy is so compelling and why breaking the cycle can be challenging.

Understanding the emotional eating cycle is crucial for breaking free from it:

As Dr. Perolini puts it: "It's almost like a double whammy because you're so stressed and feeling guilt and challenging feelings about caring for your parent. And then you eat to make yourself feel better and then 30 minutes, an hour later, then you feel guilty and feel bad because you've just eaten a half gallon of ice cream."

One of the most painful aspects Dr. Perolini sees in her practice is caregivers' guilt about not being more positive about their caregiving responsibilities.

"Sometimes it's the guilt that they feel about perhaps not having more of a cheerful attitude all of the time for this responsibility," she explains. "They thought that when the time comes, they would have more space to do this with more cheerfulness, and then realizing... I am a good person. Of course I want to take care of my dad or my mom, but I'm finding it so hard."

This guilt often becomes another trigger for emotional eating. You're not just dealing with the stress of caregiving – you're dealing with feeling bad about not handling it "better."

Here's the truth: Both feelings can coexist. You can love your parent deeply AND find caregiving incredibly difficult. You can be a devoted daughter or son AND feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and sometimes resentful. These contradictory emotions don't make you a bad person – they make you human.

It's important to distinguish between occasional stress eating and problematic emotional eating. Dr. Perolini emphasizes: "We all, or most of us, have at some point from time to time used food for that purpose. That's not emotional eating."

Emotional eating becomes concerning when:

This same pattern can apply to other substances – like alcohol – where the occasional glass of wine to unwind becomes a bottle, followed by guilt and shame.

Dr. Perolini's primary recommendation might surprise you in its simplicity: notice.

"It's more of an invitation to be as much as you can wanting to notice, wanting to observe, wanting to witness your behavior related to this," she explains.

Here's how to develop awareness:

Not every trigger applies to every person. You might discover that:

Important: Do this with curiosity, not judgment. "We want to do this with curiosity, with openness, really trying to understand. We're not trying to judge the behavior at this point."

Dr. Perolini draws from James Clear's "Atomic Habits" to offer two powerful strategies:

Instead of trying to make healthy choices when you're emotionally dysregulated, prepare when you're in a clear headspace.

The key is that these foods need to feel somewhat indulgent while still nourishing your body.

Create barriers between yourself and the behaviors you want to avoid.

The Strategic Planning Example: Dr. Perolini shares a client's approach: "She knew the doctor appointment was especially hard... So what she would do was to say, 'Okay, so I know the doctor is in the morning. At 1 PM, I'm going to have a plan.' She already had a date with someone, with a friend, to go for a walk, so she wasn't going to go straight home with all her emotions and all the food in her home."

One of the most important shifts Dr. Perolini recommends is moving from restriction to possibility.

"The emphasis, if we emphasize restriction... the more that we emphasize restriction for most of us, there's pressure that over time leads to us going overboard at some point," she explains.

Instead of focusing on what you can't eat, ask:

This might mean:

The goal is foods that provide genuine nourishment and satisfaction, not deprivation followed by rebellion.

While changing your relationship with food is important, developing additional coping tools is equally crucial:

Perhaps most importantly, Dr. Perolini emphasizes approaching yourself with kindness throughout this process.

"Both can coexist," she says about loving your parent while finding caregiving difficult. "It doesn't make you at all less of a good caregiver for your parent."

Remember:

Consider working with a mental health professional if:

Dr. Perolini offers a free workbook designed to help people understand the role food plays in their lives through gentle self-reflection prompts spread across five days.

Transforming your relationship with emotional eating while managing sandwich generation responsibilities isn't about perfection – it's about progress.

Start with one small change:

Remember: You're not just caring for others – you deserve to be cared for too, including by yourself. Learning to nourish your body and emotions in healthy ways isn't selfish; it's an essential part of sustainable caregiving.

The ice cream will always be there if you need it. But with awareness, preparation, and self-compassion, you might find you need it less often than you think.

Struggling with emotional eating while managing the stress of sandwich generation caregiving? You deserve support that addresses not just the practical challenges of caring for aging parents, but also the emotional toll it takes on your relationship with food and self-care.

Schedule your complimentary caregiving consultation with Edla Prevette today and discover strategies to manage caregiver stress, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and create sustainable support systems for your whole family.

Dr. Claudia Perolini has a PhD in Counseling Psychology and has been helping people manage their emotions for over 13 years. She works as a therapist specializing in depression, anxiety, overwhelm, loss and grief, and relationship issues. As a coach, she helps people transcend emotional eating by deepening their insight and expanding their awareness so they can shift their relationship with food for good. You can find her resources and support at: https://claudiaperolini.com 

Edla Prevette specializes in helping sandwich generation caregivers develop effective communication strategies and reduce stress while caring for aging parents. With thirty years of experience as an educator and therapist, she understands that sustainable caregiving requires addressing not just practical challenges, but also the emotional and physical toll of caring for multiple generations. Learn more at edlaprevette.com.